The Rules

Oooooo I’m feeling so festive. They’ve even made everything festive at work. Free mince pies at the breakfast meeting? And little trees? And champagne truffles??? Yes please!

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We also had our secret Santa exchange. I usually dislike secret Santa because you end up with useless gifts. A few years ago I got a great scarf which I am wearing all the time now, but generally it’s something that is either a complete joke or it’s going to make you fat. Imagine my delight and surprise when I opened this:

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AMAZE. Thank you Santa, new running socks and liquid liner, I must have been a good girl this year. They are the exact Nike dri-fit running socks that I wear now and have always worn, so I’m thrilled. Yay.

On to the very serious and not at all tongue-in-cheek message for the day 😉

“Rules help control the fun”

Yes Monica Geller, yes they do!

I am a lawyer, so you won’t be surprised to hear that I love a good law and a well thought out rule or two. And if a rule or law is in place…you can be sure that I will be very keen on following it (or finding a legal reason for not following it).

If I spot a risky situation and there are inadequate laws in place to prevent the consequences of said risk occurring, I’ll probably make up a rule and insist that my friends and family members follow it (much to their frustration I’m sure). Just ask DP about our trip to Dubai earlier this year and all the fun he had jet skiing. Except he didn’t have fun jet skiing because he was too busy plotting ways of killing me after I lectured him on the dangers of foreign watersports and the risk that our travel insurance would be inadequate! Yes…I need to loosen up and yes I’m working on it. Thank God for my patient and forgiving husband!

Why am I rambling on about this? Because tonight is one of the riskiest nights of the year. Tonight is…CHRISTMAS PARTY NIGHT!

I have developed some simple, easy to follow rules to ensure that I (and all of you) have a stress-free Christmas bash which results in you returning to the safety of your own bed without waving goodbye to your dignity, reputation or job.

Christmas Party Objectives and Rules

1. Objective: Look amazing. Who doesn’t want to look amazing at their Christmas party? This is particularly key if you work in an environment where you are encouraged to look like a corporate clone.

Rule: Plan. Do not try on all your dresses the night before and then cry to your husband because none of them fit and/or they make you look like a rugby player instead of an elegant ballerina. (Yes, happened last night, sorry Danny). Do not have to go to the beautician the morning of your party and have to answer telephone calls about customer contracts whilst the therapist tears hair from various body parts. Do not forget to have a mani/pedi – homemade or otherwise. My nails are an embarrassment, I will probably end up fixing them on the London Underground this evening. Not a good bit of planning there.

2. Objective: Have fun and enjoy a few drinks without telling your manager/employee that you think they have a nice bum.

Rule: If you do like your manager’s bum (or anyone’s bum for that matter) DO NOT touch it. In fact, don’t say it and stop staring at it! Do not get so drunk that you forget your partner and find yourself in the arms of Jeremy from Finance. You may think Jeremy is hot now, but you will wake up with a HEAD full of regrets and a HEART full of sadness, don’t do it don’t do it! Oh, and you may just get fired for sexual harassment. Not cool.

This reminds me!! I want to say a HUGE congratulations to one of my very lovely friends who got engaged on a holiday to New York City! Soooo excited for her! I was reminded of this because she DID get together with her fiancé at a Christmas party and it DID all work out well (no sexual harassment claims ;), nor was it anything like the Jeremy from finance example, phew)! But this is not the norm…so be careful. You have been warned.

3. Objective: Enjoy some friendly banter.

Rule: Remember that there is a line. Don’t push the button that is going to make someone want to smack you. Get in a fight at your Christmas party? You may be waking up with a black eye or two and a dismissal for gross misconduct. Rubbish start to the new year.

4. Objective: Don’t throw up or pass out. Isn’t it weird that for many people in the UK their objective on a night out seems to be exactly the opposite? I love a glass of wine or five two but binge drinking is no good for anyone except the people selling the booze. I have had ten one too many on more than one occasion so I speak from experience…a little bit of control in this area goes a long way.

Rule: I have considered the two-drink rule but to be honest I find it hard to stick to. I prefer to drink as much as I like but I know my limit and I immediately switch to water. This won’t work for many people as most do not know their limit. A good rule is to drink a glass of water for every glass of wine. Also, always remember that 3 large glasses is equivalent to one bottle of wine. That is quite a lot!! Finally, make sure you eat sensibly throughout the day to ensure that you are not drinking on an empty stomach. I feel a bowl of cottage cheese and some carbs will be required very shortly….yum.

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5. Other random rules: wear Spanx, book a taxi in advance, charge you phone and camera, and if you work in legal or HR and you’re at your own work do make sure you leave before the party turns from fun and classy to chaotic and regrettable. There are some things that we just don’t need to see!!!

SO, enjoy your holiday parties and create some fun but not hideously embarrassing memories with your friends and colleagues. Try not to act like a ho ho ho (see what I did there! Sorry…)

Jx

PS…any other bloggers noticed any changes in WordPress today? I can’t seem to find all my previous blogs posts, pages etc. I can only add a page using the quick post thing. Annoying!! I may just be really stupid…

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3 thoughts on “The Rules

  1. Ali Smith

    I am loving your Christmas party tips! As well as me drunkenly snogging the “sexy man from IT” in front of the entire company (and not realising that the lights had come up and we were the only two on the dance floor) another colleague got so drunk that on the coach back from the venue she took off all her clothes and paraded up and down the aisle… At least my behaviour ended up with an engagement (eeeeeeeek!).

    Have fun tonight. You will look amazing and not like a rugby player at all. x

  2. Back in highschool when I used to wear eye makeup, I LOVED liquid eyeliner. what great presents from santa!
    I have a thing for little , cute, xmas trees. aww 🙂

    Have fun tonight – take pictures, LOTS!!!

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